IS THERE ANYTHING THE MAN CAN'T DO?
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I’ve said
some harsh things about Donald Trump in the past. But I like to think of myself
as a fair-minded person, and I’m always willing to give credit where it’s due. So
when Trump kicks a massive goal for humanity, I think it’s incumbent on all of
us – including those of us who believe he’s generally a reckless and
destructive dickhead – to step back and applaud his good work.
In
this spirit, I want to commend Trump for curing autism last Monday. I use the
word “cure” in its fullest sense here. Trump hasn’t just identified a medication
that can be used, in his view, to treat existing cases of autism. He has
discovered the root cause of the whole autism epidemic.
He
announced these breakthroughs at a press conference last week. Technically, the
purpose of the press conference was to announce changes to FDA advice about two
medications: leucovorin, a form of Vitamin B commonly used to treat cancer
patients; and the painkiller acetaminophen, marketed in the U.S. as Tylenol,
and known in other parts of the world as paracetamol. From now on, FDA labeling
on leucovorin will endorse its use as a treatment for people with autism. And labeling
on Tylenol will caution pregnant women against taking the drug, because of its
possible (or perhaps definite) links to autism.
Let’s
not downplay the magnitude of the breakthroughs Trump has made here. For
decades, medical scientists have laboured in vain to determine the causes of
autism. For decades, we have imagined that if the case is ever cracked, it will
be cracked by someone with long experience in the field – or, failing that,
even short experience in the field; someone with medical credentials, a
rigorous commitment to scientific methods and ethics, and at least a vague idea
of what the fuck they are talking about.
It
turns out we have been looking in the wrong direction. When the answer to the
autism question finally came, it was delivered by a man with no scientific or
medical qualifications whatsoever. And the answer wasn’t boring or hard to
understand, as so many medical explanations are. It was amazingly simple. Tylenol
causes autism. Taking Tylenol is not good.
Of
course, Trump put it in a far more nuanced and eloquent way than that. No.
Wait. He put it exactly like that.“Taking Tylenol is not good,” he said
at his press conference. “I’ll say it. It’s not good" ...
My full tribute to Donald Trump's sensational medical breakthrough can be read for free over at my Substack page – click here to read it. Substack is the new online home for all my writing. If you like my stuff, check out my archive there and hit the "Subscribe" button for weekly updates. It's all free.
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